


Red Sand Beach

by DollofKaname



Category: Free!
Genre: Alpha Matsuoka Rin, Alpha Tachibana Makoto, Alpha Yamazaki Sousuke, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Breastfeeding, Childbirth, Discrimination, Forced Surrogacy, Global Warming, M/M, Multi, Omega Hazuki Nagisa, Omega Nanase Haruka, Past Rape/Non-con, Survival, implied infanticide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-07 19:02:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15225831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DollofKaname/pseuds/DollofKaname
Summary: Well, the world's f*cked, isn't it... Where there once were cities, there's now sand. Where once children played with each other, there is now slavery and exploitation...You aren't a person anymore. You are a gender. Alpha. Beta. Omega. Animal. Human. Hole...Nagisa is on the verge of dying when Rin saves him. He hadn't meant to save him... he had meant to save Gou. But he can't abandon him now, can he...?Wandering though the desert with Nagisa, Rin meets a bonded pair. An omega without a collar or a gag, and an alpha without a tag or a ring.That night... does he witness a miracle? ... or a tragedy? Maybe both...





	1. Live on

**Author's Note:**

> Take _The Handmaid's Tale_ , add A/B/O-Dynamics, throw that into a mix of _Mad Max_ grime and 'Splash Free' desert, and you have this story.
> 
> In all seriousness though, this is not really a pleasant story, so please heed the tags.
> 
> * * *
> 
> As a result of global warming and worldwide pollution human life has lost its modern luxuries. Contaminated resources have caused a dramatic drop in birth rates.
> 
> By now all Betas are sterile.  
> Omegas are forced into a life of surrogate motherhood, while alphas are kept and used like livestock, for manual labor, warfare or... to impregnate omegas.

  
  


Rin could no longer feel Nagisa’s breath on his shoulder.  
Had he gone numb with exhaustion? Or had Nagisa… 

Rin bounced Nagisa on his back to wake him up, but the young omega gave no response. The boy’s warm chest still pressed warmly into Rin’s back; he wanted to believe that he still felt his heartbeat. He wanted to believe that he hadn’t saved Nagisa in vain.

If he had, he had thrown away a chance to save Gou for nothing… 

He had sneaked around the back of the Omega-House in hopes of finding a secret entry way when he almost stepped on Nagisa.  
The boy was barely conscious, stick thin, pale and filthy; abandoned and forgotten. A dirty stray cat was licking at his toes, meowing at him.

Upon realizing that he had almost stepped on a person, Rin panicked, scaring away the cat.

It was probably just his bad fucking luck, but in that exact moment he heard guards shouting down the street.

Before he could think through his decision he pulled the boy up into his arms and ran off. Later, when he had outrun the guards, he told himself that he had acted on a whim. That he had immediately realized that this boy, this omega, would end up being sold into slavery… 

To be entirely honest though, he couldn’t help but think that he would certainly have used the boy to buy time if he’d had to.  
He would have dropped him if the guards had gotten too close, he would have abandoned him to save himself… 

But the guards hadn’t caught up to him. He had managed to escape… and now, here he was… carrying this boy on his back, where he should instead be carrying his baby sister.  
He’ll come back to the capital. He’ll come back, and maybe the boy would help him.

He vowed under his breath that he wouldn’t give up as long as he lived.

When he had reached the outskirts of the capital he had found a narrow little alley where he could hide for the night. That was when he finally paid attention to the omega he had (accidentally) saved.  
After giving him some water and half of his bread he managed to get the boy’s name. Nagisa. He had apparently been serving another omega at the Omega-House, when that omega was kidnapped. The kidnappers knocked him out and left him behind, having no need for a heatless, male omega. Nagisa had been too afraid to come back to the Omega-House alone, so he tried to survive on his own.

That was the point where Rin decided to save the boy, to keep him safe. He felt sick, thinking back to his own willingness to sacrifice this kid to save himself.  
Even though it would have been nothing new. Not for him, and not for anyone in this place.

When Gou was outed as an omega and taken away to the Omega-House, Rin escaped his Alpha-Herd to find his and Gou’s mother.

The woman was injured and heartbroken when he found her. She had been beaten up for concealing Gou’s secondary gender for so long…  
Rin knew that he was dooming her for good if he acted up.

But he knew that her time was over. She would waste away with nothing to keep her alive anymore, now that Gou was gone… and the only way to save his family was to save Gou. Because Gou was all he would have left.

His mother knew this.  
She took her sharpest kitchen knife and cut a slit into Rin’s ear, while he screamed into one of her blouses. She had rolled it into ball and stuffed it into his mouth, so he wouldn’t be heard outside. She sang a nostalgic, happy song while she removed the ID-tag from Rin’s ear.  
It was hard work, to hold the writhing youth down with her knee on his back, knife sawing through skin and cartilage, blood streaming down, soaking into the wooden floor boards.

When the tag was finally out, she tossed it into the fire place.

Rin was barely awake anymore, dizzy from the pain. He barely noticed it when she used her sharpest scissors to pry open the metal ring in his septum.

She woke him early the next morning, before dawn even and told him to leave. She had washed off the blood from his ear and face while he slept, and put a gauze bandage on his ear along with a good amount of alcohol, hoping to keep the wound from getting infected. She told him that she had done all she possibly could and that he _had_ to leave now, if he didn’t want her sacrifices to have been for naught.

So he left and never came back.  
Well, he once came back to the area, hoping to find some semblance of home, of familiarity and safety, but when he found the hut that was once his home in ruins, he understood that there was no going back.

He had to save Gou.

They’d have to make it on their own from now on.

 

Well, he thought, maybe not entirely on our own. Maybe we’ll have Nagisa with us.

He bounced him on his back once more, again hoping to get a reaction from the omega, but got nothing.

Nagisa’s head weighed heavily on his shoulder. He hadn’t shifted him to the other side all this time, because the pain in his ear was bad enough as it was. He wouldn’t be able to go on if Nagisa’s head was nudging his infected wound.

He could still go on, he told himself.

It was evening already, so the sun wouldn’t be bearing down on them anymore. He told himself that he could reach… something tonight.

The scent of salt and fish had been guiding him forward for a while now. He hoped to reach the ocean soon.  
If only he got there soon… He could filter some water… Maybe there would be fruits, plants that he could eat…  
Oh please let him reach the beach before his mind is lost to exhaustion…

 

He hears… something. So far in the distance he can’t make out what it is. But it’s a sign of life and that alone is enough to ignite a burst of hope in his chest.

Maybe there’s people! Maybe they’ll help him and Nagisa. Maybe… maybe… 

Rin stops walking.

What if these people are members of a tribe?  
What if they overpower him and take Nagisa?  
What if they kill them?

Fuck… He can’t be reckless… 

But if there’s people… there’s hope. As unlikely as it probably is, he can’t extinguish this little flame now.

He has to try.

He slowly goes on, approaching the approximate source of the sound cautiously. For a long time he hears nothing.

He’s almost ready to give up and tell himself that it was his mind playing tricks on him, when he hears the sound again.  
This time he thinks it sounds like a scream.

Like a human scream.

Rin freezes and stops breathing.

There is another scream.

Rin lets out the breath he was holding. He drops to his knees and hands, crawling forward. His mind is running in circles.

Human screams could mean danger. Human screams could also mean hope though.  
There’s somebody who needs help, and if he’s lucky, he could either gain their sympathy by helping, or he could overpower them and steal whatever resources they have. Maybe, if he just waits long enough, they will die, and he’ll have something to feed to Nagisa and eat for himself… he hopes it doesn’t come to that though.

As desperate as he is, he is not able to shake his instincts of what’s right and what’s not.

Nagisa’s feet drag in the sand behind him, his arms swaying limply over both his shoulders, but Rin can’t worry about him now.  
He has to make a decision.

The screams are clear and piercing now. Beneath the sand he feels rocks and in the distance he hears the soft shushing of the ocean.

He knows he’s reached the coast. A few steps forward and he tumbles down the steep rocks, landing either in the water, on some rocks or on the sandy beach.  
It’s too dark to tell, and he has never been here before.

In the dark he can barely even make out the horizon, but he knows it’s nothing but water stretching out in front of him.

He squints his eyes and tries to make out something, a movement, a structure, anything that would suggest the presence of a human.  
But there is nothing.

Another scream tears through the night.

 

Rin decides to just hope for the best. He doesn’t think he could hold out much longer, so whatever these screams signify, he’ll just go with it.

He does feel bad for dragging Nagisa into it, but this is the only chance he has.

 

He gets up on his feet again, carrying Nagisa as before and looks for a way down. He finds a sandy, less steep, less rocky path down. Slowly, carefully he makes his way to the beach.  
There is actually quite the strip of sand there, waves reaching almost halfway to where the rocks start.

Rin follows the screams, noticing how they seem to be losing volume and wonders if the person is actually dying… will he see them die?

As he gets closer to the sound he realizes that the beach is ending. Rocks and dried out plants enclose the sandy shore, and there is nowhere else to go. But the screams come from beyond there.  
Rin spots the golden reflection of a flame in the waves when he looks around for any indication of where else a person could be hiding. 

Rin doesn’t think he can turn back now, so he slowly wades into the water, staying close to where the rocks jut out into the ocean. He stops moving every time the waves crash up against the rocks, dousing him and Nagisa in refreshing, cool water.

Again a scream travels over the sound of the waves, and this time, Rin hears a second voice, seemingly talking to the suffering person.

Fuck… he should have known… he should have known this would be a bad idea…!

But… what else can he do now…  
He has to try something.

So he moves on, finally reaching what seems to be the entrance of a cave.

A fire provides just enough light for Rin to make out two people.

“Come on, you can do it,” one of them is saying, while the other sobs weakly. The larger one of the two moves a little and Rin’s heart stops.  
Through the gap between the two people, and the second person’s legs, he can make out a bloody opening.

A baby is being born here…


	2. Sand ablaze

“Push again, Haru, please. Please, do it for me!” Makoto begged, holding Haru’s thighs apart with his hands despite the omega’s desperate attempts to close them again.  
“I know it hurts, but you have to push this baby out, or else I’ll lose you,” he argues desperately. “You know you can’t do that to me, right?”

Haru shakes his head and sobs, before throwing his head back in another scream.

Makoto has never heard Haru scream like this. He has never heard his voice go this high either, he has never even heard his voice at all.  
Haru has been mute all this time… 

Haru’s desperate panting and sobbing brings Makoto back to the present, where the head of Haru’s baby is still stuck inside him.  
There has been no progress for what feels like hours.  
Maybe it truly has been hours.

Oh god, if it’s been hours already… how much time does Haru have before he runs out of strength…?

Haru slumps, unable to hold up his head anymore and Makoto moves to his side immediately, cupping the back of Haru’s head to look him in the eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Haru… I know nothing I’m doing is helping at all…” he whispers and presses a soft, chaste kiss to Haru’s trembling lips.  
Haru leans into the touch, closing his eyes to collect himself at least a little before the next contraction hits.  
When he opens his eyes to look at Makoto though, he catches a flash of red in the corner of his eye. He stares into the darkness, where he sees something… no. somebody. move. towards. them.

Blind panic rushes through him, causing him to recoil and cower hastily.  
Makoto is startled, catching Haru in his arms to keep him from hurting himself when he notices Haru staring in a certain direction.

Slowly he turns his head, staring into the darkness.

 

Rin’s heart is beating out of his chest.

He quickly crouches down to sit Nagisa on the ground, before raising both hands.  
“I heard the screams and thought I should try to help!” he explains hurriedly. “I swear, I mean no harm!”

Makoto is about to get up to search the newcomer, when Haru winces and cries out again. He is torn between the two; needing to support Haru _somehow_ , while still mistrusting the stranger who intruded into their home.  
He holds onto Haru though, unable to pull away from his beloved.

“I swear. I have a little sister, her name is Gou, whom I need to save, and I saved this kid too, his name is Nagisa. I ran away from the capital, and I have nowhere else to go. I have been carrying him through the desert for days… I am in no shape to be a threat at all…” Rin rambles on when Haru’s contraction fades and Makoto turns towards him again, this time ready to take him apart and throw him into the ocean if he has to.  
“I’ve heard the screams for a long time… how long has this been going on?” Rin asks, trying to prove himself.  
Makoto seems to tense at that.

“… too long. Hours… almost… a day… maybe…” he admits, hanging his head in shame and impotence.

“Let me try to help, okay? I have no experience with childbirth, but my mom told me how me and my sister were born, so I might… have some idea… okay?” Rin offers carefully. He hasn’t lowered his hands, still showing his submission and defenselessness to the other alpha.

Makoto grits his teeth and turns towards his mate.  
“Haru… you decide. Do you want him to help?” he asks, kneeling by his side to cradle him in his arms.  
Haru clings to Makoto and nods. At this point he’s too afraid of dying to really care who saves him. This is not how he wants to die…  
Is he going to die…?  
He screams when another contraction hits.

Rin hastily washes his hands in the ocean before kneeling at the feet of the laboring omega.  
“My name is Rin,” he tells him, trying to get his attention and trust. He gets no response from the omega, but he doesn’t take it personally.  
Makoto keeps his arms around Haru, but does seem to relax a little.  
“My name is Makoto, and this is Haruka,” the alpha, Makoto says tensely, “He prefers Haru though.”

Rin nods and smiles.  
“I see. Nice to meet you two”, he replies before peering down between Haruka’s legs. There’s barely enough light to make out anything, but Rin does see that the baby’s head is barely crowning. Another contraction hits and while Haru bears down desperately, Rin tries to see what’s happening.

Nothing happens.  
The head doesn’t move at all.

“Uh… Has he had the surgery?” Rin wonders and looks up at Makoto. Makoto looks mortified but shakes his head.  
“What surgery?” he asks uncertainly.  
“To remove the tailbone,” Rin answers. Makoto shakes his head again.

“Fuck… Who does that…” Rin mutters, biting his lip as he thinks anxiously. Who the fuck gets an omega pregnant that can’t give birth properly!?  
Now’s not the time for that, though… 

“I’ll… I’ll try to reach inside and try to ease the head out somehow… It’ll probably hurt even more… and I’m sorry… But that’s the best I have,” he explains and runs his fingers along the taut rim of Haru’s opening.

Haru recoils from his touch, but Makoto keeps him in place, cooing at him while Rin carefully slides one finger in between Haru’s rim and the baby’s head.  
He eases in another finger when another contraction hits and Haru tenses up so hard Rin’s fingers feel numb.

“It’s okay… it’ll be fine… endure it, okay?” Rin tries to soothe, while he eases two more fingers into Haru’s birth canal.  
He knows he’s hurting him. He knows Haru is barely holding back his screams as he is stretched open.

Rin waits for the next contraction to pass before he carefully slides his hand under the baby’s head, where Haru’s tailbone is obstructing its path outside.  
“Okay… Uhm… now… when you get another contraction, I want you to push, but slowly, okay? Don’t tense up so hard, or else I won’t be able to move at all, can you do that for me?”  
Rin looks up at Haru hopefully, while the omega struggles to comprehend his words at all.

Makoto nods and looks at Rin.  
“I’ll try to… help him relax a little,” he promises. It irks Rin a little, but they don’t have time.

When Haru’s next contraction finally comes, Makoto does all he can to keep Haru from clenching his muscles.  
Rin hears him whisper soothingly to Haru, just loud enough to be heard over Haru’s weakening cries.  
He himself is meanwhile trying to guide the baby’s head up, past Haru’s tailbone. It’s a slow, agonizing process, but at least there is progress at last!

After two more contractions the baby’s head is finally out and Haru collapses with a high-pitched wheeze into Makoto’s arms.

 

Dawn is breaking when it’s finally over.

The baby is more blue than pink, and its gargling screams are not sweet at all. Haru is barely awake anymore and Makoto is trying to make him comfortable as much as he possible can.

Rin washes the baby carefully in the ocean and wraps it in the towel he had used to catch it in earlier.

When he turns back towards the exhausted couple, he offers the child to Haru. The omega makes no attempts to take the child, seemingly too tired to move at all, so Rin holds the child out to the alpha instead.

“It’s a boy,” announces softly, hoping to get Makoto’s attention, but he too shows no interest in the child.  
Unsure what else to do Rin decides to lay the child down next to Haru, where the omega can reach it.

He remains by their side, unsure what to do now. The adrenaline that had pushed him onward earlier is dissipating, leaving him exhausted and numb.

“Rin,” Makoto speaks up suddenly, “thank you. You saved Haru’s life.”  
Rin is flustered, almost embarrassed at the sudden proclamation of gratitude. It hadn’t occurred to him at all what exactly he had done until Makoto pointed it out to him.

It sounded dramatic and unrealistic… silly even… 

He had saved Nagisa too, but neither he nor Nagisa had put a point on it… so… wait.  
Nagisa…!

Rin scrambled to his feet and rushed over to where he had set down Nagisa when he entered the cave.  
“Hey, hey… Nagisa? Nagisa… say something…!” he begged, cradling the boy’s head in his hands.

Makoto crawls into a corner of the cave and pulls out a pouch of sorts.

“Rin, catch,” he calls and tosses the pouch to Rin, who catches it with some difficulty. “There’s a bottle of water inside and some fish that you can share with your friend.”  
Makoto settles back down by Haruka’s side, while Rin reaches into the pouch, pulling out the bottle of water and opening the cap hastily.

He takes a sip and sighs with relief before he takes another mouthful and presses his lips to Nagisa’s, parting his lips with his tongue to transfer the water from his mouth to Nagisa’s.

He did it without thinking too deeply about it. This was pure survival. He had to give water to Nagisa or else the boy would die.

He isn’t sure if the strange couple saw his actions, but if they did, they say nothing about it. He doesn’t have the capacity to think about that anyways as his body grows heavier and heavier with relief and exhaustion.

He pulls Nagisa close to himself and settles on the sandy ground, falling asleep immediately.


	3. White tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TYSM Maz for beta-reading my nonsense!

Rin is entirely disoriented when he wakes up.  
He hears the regular sounds of the waves, he feels coarse sand beneath his cheek, a hard little body pressed to his side… a throbbing pain in his ear that spreads through his head… 

He tries to piece together what had happened, how he had gotten here, but his mind is blank.

He manages to sit up and find the water bottle with his eyes only half-open and takes a deep sip. What a relief to have fresh water within reach… after days of nothing but sand and even more sand… Rin smiles tiredly.  
Doesn’t he remember fish too? Edible fish?

He gropes around for the pouch and indeed, wrapped in smooth plant leaves he finds fish that seems to have been cooked over an open flame.  
He takes one of the fish and bites into its side, through crunchy scales and soft flesh. He thinks to himself, this is the best fish he has ever had… and he never really liked fish to begin with!

Whoever made this, he’d have to give them a big compliment later… wait…  
Who _had_ made this?!

Rin’s eyes fly open when he finally, _finally_ remembers.

He delivered a baby last night! He saved an omega’s life, and the fish he was eating was given to him by that omega’s alpha!  
How could he have forgotten…!?

That’s when it hits him.

 

Isn’t it too silent?  
Shouldn’t there be the soft mumbling of a baby? Cooing parents? Anything?

He looks around the cave, but aside from Nagisa there is nobody around. Deciding not to dwell on it for now, Rin decides to check on Nagisa.  
The boy is still alive, but still nowhere near conscious, so Rin takes a mouthful of water to share with Nagisa.

“Is he okay?” Makoto asks, startling Rin. The redhead slumps once he recognizes Makoto and Haruka in his arms, and lets out a sigh.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I assumed you heard my footsteps,” Makoto murmurs, shrugging awkwardly.

“It’s okay. Are you okay? Is Haru okay?” Rin wonders, before adding: “Where’s the baby?”

Makoto’s warm smile turns… cold.  
“We are okay. Thank you again, Rin.”  
Rin looks at Haru, hoping to get an answer from him, but the omega’s face remains expressionless.

“Is your friend okay?”, Makoto repeats his initial question while sitting down with Haru in his arms. Rin turns back to Nagisa.  
“He’s still so weak, he’s not even waking up,” he murmurs, running a hand through Nagisa’s tangled hair. He guesses it used to be blond, but with the dust and sand stuck in it, it’s hard to tell.

“I’ve been giving him water, but I’m not sure that’s enough. But I’m not sure how I could feed him… I mean… He couldn’t chew on his own like this…” he continues and sighs. Something is really wrong with these two, but Rin is afraid to ask.  
In fact, the silence from them is freaking him out with every minute. But he doesn’t dare to turn away from Nagisa, feeling like he’ll be struck down the moment he turns around.

He tries to listen closely – pain still throbbing through his ear and head – for anything other than the soft murmur of the ocean. Nothing.

The hairs on his back are standing up as he gets increasingly more anxious.

A moan.  
Then a slurp.

He jumps and turns around. Slowly, he slides back a few inches, unsure what to do.

 

He sees the two and neither one of them is threatening to kill him… but Haru is laying on the ground, his bare feet facing Rin, who is momentarily surprised to see how clean they are compared to his own or Nagisa’s.  
Haru’s belly is still swollen, his tunic still stained with dark blood.

Makoto is on all fours, one arm on either side of Haru’s body, one knee between Haru’s legs, the other on Haru’s left side. 

His head is… lowered to Haru’s chest.

Another slurp. A huff, then Makoto raises his head.

“Any better?” he asks.

Rin doesn’t hear or see Haru’s response, and he turns away, looking back at Nagisa when Haru seems to move.

“Are you sure?”, Makoto asks, voice soft. Rin holds his breath, trying to listen for Haru’s reply, but again, he hears nothing.  
“Okay, Haru”, Makoto murmurs and kisses Haru – judging from the sounds. Rin tries very hard not to listen to that, focusing instead on the sound of the ocean, on Nagisa’s breathing, on anything that isn’t the couple in the other corner of the cave.

“Rin?” Makoto calls.

Rin turns around, jaw clenched.  
Oh god. What now… what now… ?

“Maybe Haru could help your friend”, Makoto offers.

Rin opens his mouth, then pauses, then closes his mouth again and looks at Nagisa.  
“How…?” he asks without really wanting to.  
What will they ask for in return?

What kind of _help_ are they talking about anyways?  
“Well… Haru has some built up milk, and it’s causing him some pain,” Makoto explains, leaving the implication hanging in the air, unsaid.

Rin shakes his head.  
“No. Your baby needs that milk. I’ll… we’ll find a way to get Nagisa back on his feet…” Rin argues but Makoto’s kind, offering expression once again turns icy cold.

“The baby does not need the milk.”

Rin’s heart is beating so hard he can hear it echo from the walls of the cave.  
Where is that goddamn baby?

Makoto doesn’t wait for Rin’s answer and raises to his feet, walking over to Rin and Nagisa.  
“Haru offered. I promise it’s okay,” Makoto assures and lifts up Nagisa like he weighs nothing. Rin wants to stop him, but freezes when he sees Haru sitting up and reaching out to take Nagisa from Makoto’s arms.

Once the boy is safely settled in Haru’s arms Makoto sits behind him and allows Haru to lean back against his chest.

Rin finally remembers how to move his limbs again and scrambles over to them.

He watches with a strange, shameful fascination how Haru pulls down the collar of his tunic to expose his chest, revealing his puffed up breasts and darkened nipples.  
The omega pulls Nagisa’s head right up to his chest, opening his mouth with his fingers before pinching his nipple between his index and thumb.

Milk sprays from multiple points on his nipple, some of it landing on Nagisa’s cheek, some on his lips and some trickling into his mouth.

Makoto reaches around Haru, stroking Nagisa’s cheek with his index finger while Haru repeats his previous action.

Rin is about to make them stop, feeling too uncomfortable watching them treat Nagisa like a fucking baby when they should be worrying about their _actual_ baby, when Nagisa stirs.

“Good!” Makoto coos and Haru raises Nagisa’s head a bit higher, nudging his nipple right between Nagisa’s lips.  
And suddenly the omega latches on.

Weakly at first, but quickly gaining strength; or rather desperation.

Makoto withdraws his hand and finally looks at Rin again.  
“Don’t stare,” he whispers and smiles gently.

 

Rin obeys and cowers away in the far corner of the cave again.

Something is seriously fucked up about these two. The more time passes without a single trace of that baby, the more anxious Rin feels.  
It’s not like he’s got any kind of attachment to the child, but he did deliver it. He was the first person to ever see it, hold it in his hands, to wash it…  
Come to think of it, even after the birth neither one of the parents tried to touch the child… 

He doesn’t want to consider the possibility that the newborn might… not be alive anymore. If it tragically died during the night… wouldn’t its parents be more distraught?

Are they fawning over Nagisa, because they don’t want to cope with the death of their baby?

Even so… the omega doesn’t seem to be alive at all. Sure, he moves, he acts… somehow. But he doesn’t talk, he doesn’t show emotions, nothing.

That alpha on the other hand seems to be nice… even though he seems to have a switch that makes him dangerous.

Rin runs a hand through his hair, carefully avoiding his ear. It has been hurting all this time, and as much as he wants to scratch it, he is afraid to take off his mother’s bandages.  
He’s close to crying, if he’s honest. He is fucking scared of these people, the only other person he has here is in their hands, and he’s in pain…  
He has to make it back to the capital somehow, to find Gou before it’s too late. 

Fuck, Gou…! Gou! Every single day he is away from her could be one day too many. She could be rented… she could be… 

 

Tears spill from his eyes, and a sob tears itself from his throat before he can stop it.

Makoto raises his head when he hears the sob from Rin.  
Haru has fallen asleep against his chest with the young omega cradled in his arms. Carefully he lowers Haru to the ground and walks over to Rin.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, kneeling down in front of the redhead.  
Rin sobs again, turning his face into the crook of his elbow to hide from Makoto, even though he knows Makoto can still see him.  
He doesn’t want to open up to this strange alpha. He shouldn’t trust a father who shows no concern for his probably dead newborn… 

But he doesn’t know what to do anymore. He needs to save Gou.

“My sister,” Rin sobs and pulls up his nose, “she’s an omega.”  
Makoto doesn’t say anything and merely puts his hand on Rin’s shoulder.  
“I ran away when she was taken to the house, because I wanted to save her… but instead I come across Nagisa, and… and I couldn’t just leave him there… so… now I’m here… and I need to get back…” Rin stammers through more sobs and hiccups.

“How old is she?” Makoto asks calmly.

Rin raises his head and pulls up his nose again.  
“14,” he replies.  
“Has she had her first heat yet?” Makoto continues. Rin shakes his head.  
“Then she’ll be safe for a while… well… they’ll not do… _that_ to her yet,” Makoto explains with a heavy sigh.  
Rin looks at Makoto with a newfound kind of hope and purses his lips to hold back another rush of tears.  
“Then… what… will they do… to her?” his lips are trembling so bad Makoto barely understands him. But he doesn’t need to understand Rin’s words to know what he wants to know.

“Have you ever seen a collared and gagged omega before?” Makoto asks. Rin nods, but adds: “Only from afar.”  
Makoto nods once. He turns around to look at Haru and Nagisa, the two omegas who are still asleep, huddled together.  
He then lowers his head and sighs.  
“They tear out the first two molars of the upper jaw and shove the bit in there. It’s to keep them silent, but mostly to jerk them around. You can imagine, metal grinding against one’s teeth, or being yanked hurts pretty badly.”

Rin winces at the mere thought of that.  
“And the collar has a metal spine in the front, going from here,” Makoto points above his adam’s apple before continuing, “to here,” and points to the dip between his collar bones.

Rin swallows dryly and grabs his neck, suddenly feeling suffocated.  
“It’s not so tight that it cuts off the airways, but it does make speaking very, very hard,” Makoto murmurs.

Rin slumps again, resting his forehead against his knees, wrapping his arms around his shins.  
“I need to save her,” he sighs.

“You’ll save her one day,” he assures; not because he knows anything, but because Rin needs to hear it. He stays silent, watching him dry his tears, wincing whenever his hand gets close to his right ear.  
“Mom had… had always wanted to have a normal beta child… so… she gave all she had to rent an omega and an alpha… and so I was born… but I’m an alpha. So… she gave me to the herd pretty early, so she could profit from my wages. Don’t think she didn’t work too… she worked her ass off… like… fuck, she almost killed herself…” Rin’s eyes remain dry for a few words, before tearing up again. He sniffles into his sleeve.  
“As soon as she had enough to rent again, she did it… and… Gou was born… and she was an omega,” Rin smiles through his tears, lifting his head up just a little, “she was the most gorgeous little girl I’d ever seen!”

Makoto smiles softly and squeezes Rin’s shoulder.  
“I’m certain,” he murmurs and with a sigh, he rises to his feet again, walking to the mouth of the cave, water reaching to his mid calf.

Rin watched Makoto, feeling like something was still wrong… but differently now.

Where he had felt comforted by Makoto’s presence – despite the underlying tension and distrust – he now almost feels like it’s Makoto who needs solace.  
Something about that broad, tan back just looks so fragile; like how he hunches over, like he’s trying to hide his enormous size… 

Makoto is staring out into the ocean, as though he could see into its depths, as though he could see some kind of answer written down there.

The relative silence that surrounds him makes his ears ache. That is what he sees in the water.  
The same, silent blue as Haru’s eyes. Their depth has always drawn him in, holding wordless promises of truths and answers, hidden just out of his reach…  
Out of his reach… 

Because a person’s eyes, at the end of the day, are merely organs to perceive the world around them. They are nothing ephemeral, nothing spiritual… they are physical.  
The brilliance of Haru’s eyes doesn’t have anything to do with the ocean and its depth, it has to do with the pigments of his iris. Nothing more, nothing less.

Makoto knows that.

Yet he will still gaze into those eyes and look for answers.

Because that is the only thing he can do.

Because that is the only way to read Haru.

Because his eyes are clear and free of corruption, unlike the rest of his body.

 

Makoto purses his lips, frowning and screwing his eyes shut.

Kissing Haru feels wrong. The soft indentations in his gum line, where his teeth used to be remind him of that corruption.

The permanently darkened spots on his neck, where the metal spine of his collar pressed into his skin for years, remind him of that corruption.

The memory of Haru’s screams last night… 

 

Haru is his, as much as he can possibly be, but he won’t ever be _truly_ his.

Parts of him have been torn out, broken, exploited and violated… and nothing he ever does or says will bring them back.


	4. Love life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again Maz, for beta-reading this and preventing me from embarrassing myself! <3
> 
> UPDATE: Sorry, I didn't notice that I had messed up this chapter! It's fixed now!

Rin’s head is throbbing when he wakes up. He struggles to open his eyes, but submits to the blinding pain after a few moments.

He stays where he is, doesn’t move. He’s afraid that anything he does will make his ear hurt more.

So he stays put, eyes screwed shut, lips pursed, breathing in and out… in and out… 

 

Rin isn’t sure if he dozed off again, or if time simply passed without him noticing, but when he tries to open his eyes again, there are charred leaves with steaming fish on them in front of his face.  
He sniffs at them, realizing that their smell was probably what woke him up.  
His stomach growls on cue, and he finally gathers the strength to sit up and fully open his eyes.

Haru, the silent omega is sitting by the fire place, poking at something near the flame with a metal stick.  
Haru puts the stick away and grabs a fresh leaf, using it to protect his hands as he reaches out to pull something away from the fire. Rin assumes it’s more fish.

He looks down at the fish in front of him and picks it up, testing the temperature with his lips before blowing a few times and taking a small bite.  
He chews slowly, allowing himself to taste and fully enjoy the flavor. How can this be so good?

He has never had fish before that tasted this good. He kinda thought that his enjoyment yesterday had more to do with his hunger and less with the quality of the food, but he has to admit today that it truly has to do with the food.

Once he swallowed his bite he turns towards Haru again and smiles cautiously.  
“This is really good,” he says, gesturing the fish in his hands.

Haru meets his eyes for a brief moment, before nodding once and turning away again.

Uncertain what else to do or say Rin goes back to eating his fish. While he’s chewing, he lets his eyes wander, trying to find the others.  
But aside from Haru there’s nobody here with him. 

Dread settles in Rin’s gut, making him sick.  
He sets down his half-eaten fish.

“Where is Nagisa?!” he wonders, staring at Haru.

The dark haired omega looks at Rin for a while before jerking his head towards the ocean.

Rin clenches his teeth.

“And… Makoto?”

Haru cups his hand in the air, then indicates the ocean again.

“In the ocean? With Nagisa?” Rin tries to interpret Haru’s gestures.  
Haru nods.  
“Why? What’s he doing with him?” Rin inquires further, rising on his knees, ready to jump up if he has to.  
Haru seems to be thinking now, both hands held up before his chest. Rin stares at him.  
Finally Haru seems to have an idea and cups his hands together, before rubbing them together.

Rin lifts an eyebrow, mouth falling open as he tries to piece together whatever it is Haru is trying to tell him.

What does he mean by cupping his hands? Water? The ocean? Is that his gesture for ‘ocean’? And what does rubbing his hands together mean?  
“I don’t understand,” Rin admits.

Haru shoots him a look that seems to say: 'You are stupid,' but Rin tries not to let himself be provoked by that.  
“Can’t you just tell me?” he demands instead, exasperated.

Haru doesn’t take this well and turns his head to the side.

Rin is about to get even more angry, when he notices Haru’s clenched fists.

Maybe his question was truly stupid.  
Maybe Haru really just _can’t_ tell him, because he just _can’t_ talk at all?

He has a voice, so he should be technically able to vocalize, but maybe he had his tongue cut out?

Rin doesn’t want to imagine that, but he has to admit that it indeed is a possibility.

Shame and guilt replace his anger, and he slumps down again.  
“Sorry,” he mutters, lowering his head.

Silence.

A movement catches his eye and he looks up.  
Haru is looking at him expectantly.  
Rin nods to show that he is paying attention, and is rewarded with a neutral expression instead of ire or anguish.  
He realizes that Haru is more expressive than he gave him credit for, and so he pays close attention to Haru’s gestures this time.

The omega cups his hands again, pointing at the ocean with his chin before ‘spilling’ the imaginary water he held in his hands onto an imaginary object in his lap.  
He rubs his hands again, before repeating that same rubbing motion with the object in his lap.

“Ocean… Rubbing…” Rin murmurs and Haru nods first, before shaking his head. Rin tries again, “Ocean, scrubbing? Washing?” Haru nods, “Washing?” Rin repeats, earning another nod.  
He sighs with relief.

Haru seems to relax too, even if just a tiny bit. He almost seems satisfied with their questionable success at communication.

Rin picks up his fish again, which is only lukewarm by now.

“Does it not bother you?” he asks cautiously between bites.

Haru throws him a confused look.

Rin looks away and wonders if he should really ask this after all.  
“Well… I just thought you and Makoto… were a thing…” he starts but leaves the rest hanging in the air.

Haru touches his nape, looking at Rin with a meaningful expression in his eyes.

 

“Haruka is my mate,” Makoto explains, carrying a naked and wet Nagisa in his arms.

Rin looks up at them.  
“Haru asked me to wash him, so he wouldn’t get sick on top of being malnourished,” Makoto adds and kneels by Haru’s side, laying Nagisa down next to him, with his head in Haru’s lap.

Rin gives them a skeptical glance.  
“He _asked_ you to do it?” he wonders. Makoto smiles sweetly.  
“Yes,” he says.

Haru doesn’t seem to disagree and Rin doesn’t think it’s wise to provoke either of them by accident, so he reaches for the almost empty water bottle Makoto gave him the other night.

“When that bottle is empty, you can take another one from there,” Makoto speaks up, pointing to the back of the cave. “We filter water every night, so there’s enough,” he adds when he notices Rin’s apprehension.

Rin nods once and sets down the empty bottle. He’s satisfied for now, so he won’t take a new one yet, playing with the bottle between his hands instead.  
He feels guilty for finishing the bottle without giving Nagisa any more water, but when he chances a glance at the other three he is quickly reminded why he hadn’t had to share his water with Nagisa again.

Haru is resting his back against Makoto’s chest again, Nagisa laying on top of him.  
They are doing _that_ again.

As much as he doesn’t want to think about it, he can’t help but remember the baby again. By now it certainly isn’t alive anymore.  
The thought hurts him somehow. But deep inside he finally accepts that he won’t ever get the chance to change anything about that.

The baby is no more.

 

Nagisa is though, and that should cheer him up at least a little. And it does, more than he thought it would.

He feels weirdly grateful for Haru’s decision to feed Nagisa, even if it makes him uncomfortable.

It just feels wrong to watch Haru balance the boy’s head on the crook of his elbow, hand resting on his shoulder, while he nudges his nipple into his mouth with his free hand.

Rin looks at Haru, trying to read his expression.  
He looks so calm, almost peaceful like this, with his eyes focused on Nagisa’s face.

Suddenly there is a soft sputter, then a cough and then Nagisa jerks, flinging his arms at Haru’s chest, pushing him away and almost falling over backwards himself.  
“W-who are you…?!” he stammers, trying to scramble away, but Haru holds onto his shoulder, keeping him close.  
“Where am I…? Where is Rin? Rin…!” he is panicking more and more, tears welling up in his eyes as he looks around in a blind panic. “Rin! _Rin!_ ”

Rin hastily crawls towards them.  
“I’m here, Nagisa,” he assures before he even reaches him. “I’m right here. Everything is okay,” he soothes, grabbing both of Nagisa’s hands to keep him from flailing so much.

Finally the boy calms down, clutching Rin’s hands as best as he can, sobbing still.

Makoto runs a hand through Haru’s hair, pulling him even closer to himself before speaking. “I’m very sorry we scared you, Nagisa,” he starts, catching the blond’s attention.  
“I’m Makoto and this is Haruka, my mate. Rin brought you here two nights ago. He helped us, and in return Haru offered to help you,” he continues calmly, smiling softly.  
Nagisa remains silent now, thinking through Makoto’s words before giving Rin an anxious look.

“It’s true, Nagisa,” Rin agrees, freeing one hand to stroke Nagisa’s hair. “You didn’t wake up at all, so I was really worried.”  
Nagisa bites his lip, still looking restless.

“Nagisa,” Makoto calls softly, “Haru lost a baby recently, so he has a lot of milk. He can help you get stronger again.”

Nagisa stares at them, looking like he’s about to start crying again.  
“I’m… so… sorry!” he hiccups and presses both hands to his mouth, trying to hold back his sobs. Haru gently cradles Nagisa’s head, pulling him to his shoulder to nuzzle his temple.

Rin feels sick.

He feels sick, because ‘Haru lost _a_ baby’ not ‘ _his_ ’ or ‘ _their_ ’ baby. He feels sick, because he doesn’t know if that’s the truth, or a lie to gain Nagisa’s trust. Because fuck, if Nagisa trusts them now, how will he warn him if they turn on them!?

Fuck… 

 

“Don’t be sorry, Nagisa,” Makoto whispers, “Haru is glad that you woke up at last.”

When Nagisa runs out of steam, his tears drying away slowly, Haru leans back against Makoto, taking his hands off Nagisa’s back.  
Nagisa barely has the strength to lift his head to look at them when Makoto starts speaking once more.  
“It’s your choice, we won’t force you, but Haru needs to get the milk out anyways. If you don’t want to, you can have fish and water, either way is okay,” he assures.

“Will Haru be okay?” Nagisa whispers.

Haru nods and places his hands on Nagisa’s back again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> I will try to post once a week from now on, so check in on Thursdays for new chapters!
> 
> If you'd like the updates to be on a different day of the week, you can suggest a different day in the comments!


	5. Mama said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again Maz for beta-reading my nonsense, ily <3
> 
> Also, has anyone of you ever had an infected cartilage piercing? If yes, this might freak you out...   
> It sure did me... *sobs*
> 
> Lastly, last chapter was edited, so if you haven't seen that yet, go check to make sure you saw the corrected version! I'm so sorry, a mistake happened, but I fixed it!

A few hours later, Haru and Nagisa are asleep again, and Makoto is filling up empty bottles with water to filter overnight.  
Rin offers to help, feeling uncomfortable not doing anything, but Makoto shakes his head.

“I can manage that on my own,” he says, smiling. Rin crosses his arms.  
“I just want to do something useful,” he murmurs.

Makoto gives Rin a long look.

“Can you swim?” he then asks, and Rin’s shoulders slump.  
“Not really,” he admits.  
Makoto nods.  
“Thought so. I can’t swim either,” he murmurs, before looking back into the cave pensively. “I can float on my back, but that’s about it,” he adds and looks at Rin again.

“Haru can swim.”

Makoto says it with a smile, like he’s so damn proud.  
He probably is, Rin thinks to himself. 

“How’d he learn it?” he asks, just to say something, and not sit in silence. In the silence he remembers the pain in his ear, with nothing to distract him from it.  
Makoto shrugs.  
“He hasn’t told me.”

Rin nods once and looks at his feet. The ‘conversation’ he had with Haru comes back to his mind, and with it, comes the question of why doesn’t Haru speak? Rin glances up at Makoto again, who is filling the last two bottles now.

“Uhm,” Rin starts, “if I may ask…”

Makoto turns around to look expectantly at Rin.

“Why doesn’t he speak?”

The question weighs a dozen kilos, and it hits hard, landing between them like a dislodged boulder from a mountain.  
Makoto doesn’t look at Rin.

“I don’t know,” he admits after a long pause. “He was a tribe-leader’s property before… before we… escaped. That’s all I know.”

Rin swallows dryly.  
Property.

Not even a servant or slave.

A thing.

Things don’t speak.

 

“I see,” Rin whispers, surprised to find his voice breaking. He clears his throat, then looks at Makoto.  
“I’m sorry.”

 

The taller alpha nods once, picking up the bottles and walks away.

Rin sits down again, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs. His ear hurts so much, he wants to bang his head against a rock, just to make it stop, but that obviously wouldn't help at all.

He turns his head to the side, resting his warm cheek against his knee, enjoying the evening breeze as much as he possibly can.

From the corner of his eye he sees Haru’s dark hair, his pale arms wrapping around Nagisa’s still naked back. Nagisa’s blond head of hair is blocking Rin’s view of Haru’s face.  
Makoto must have undressed Nagisa when he went to wash him earlier. Maybe he deemed his clothes too filthy to keep?  
Rin doesn’t know. But it doesn’t feel right to keep the boy naked all this time. So he rises to his feet again, walking further into the cave to look for a cloth or something that Nagisa could wear.

He wonders if Haru has anything he could give to Nagisa, but looking at him, Rin dismisses the thought.  
Haru hasn’t changed out of the bloody tunic he wore when he gave birth. He probably doesn’t have anything else.

Rin sighs and shakes his head in disappointment.

He feels dizzy and tired, the pain in his ear permeating throughout his head and face, making him feel flushed and sweaty.

He doesn’t realize that he passed out for a few seconds until he notices Haru’s blue eyes staring down at him with genuine concern.  
The omega crawls closer towards Rin, much to the alpha’s surprise, and leans so far down, his hair tickles Rin’s nose.  
He sniffs once, twice, then pulls away and crawls away, pushing himself up onto his feet with some difficulty.  
Rin wants to stop him, ask what the hell just happened, when he notices a stream of pale, reddish fluid trickling down Haru’s thighs.  
“Oh god, Haru! You’re… you’re … bleeding or something!” he calls out, sitting up too fast and almost falling over again.

Haru glances down at himself, then back at Rin and shakes his head. He raises one hand and gestures like he’s pushing something down.  
For once Rin is certain that he understood the mute omega. ‘Stay put.’

When Rin indeed makes no attempts to get up again, Haru limps to the mouth of the cave, wading into the ocean and looks around.  
When he spots whatever he’s been looking for, he bends down and picks up a small rock, throwing it into the ocean.

“Haru?” Makoto rises to his feet immediately, abandoning his post on the beach with the water-filtering contraption behind him.

He hurries back to the cave and sweeps Haru off his feet the moment he reaches him, carrying him back inside.  
“What happened, what’s wrong?” he asks, carefully looking for any signs of injuries or problems on Haru’s body.  
He does notice the bloody slickness on Haru’s thighs, but a quick glance at Haru’s face assures him that there’s no need for concern.

Haru instead points his chin at Rin, who is still laying on the ground, and gestures his ear.

“His ear?” he asks and Haru nods. He taps his nose and shakes his head before gesturing his ear again.  
“The wound’s infected?” Makoto guesses and earns another nod from Haru.

“Okay,” he sighs and carries Haru over to Rin’s side. “I’ll get you what you need,” he promises and grabs a bowl that looks suspiciously like the top of a human skull to scoop up some water from the ocean. He carries the bowl over to Haru and walks over to the back of the cave.  
Rin hasn’t seen what Makoto keeps back there, and he hasn’t felt brave enough to check for himself yet, but he assumes it’s a bag or something, where Makoto stores his belongings.

Haru meanwhile tugs down his tunic to dab at his thighs, trying to wipe away at least some of the fluid he’s lost, before gesturing his lap, looking at Rin.

“What?”  
Haru points to Rin, then his lap.  
“Lie on your lap?” Rin asks and Haru nods. Rin isn’t comfortable with that idea. He’s too close to another alpha’s omega, but he also understands that they are merely trying to help. So he lowers his head to Haru’s thighs, allowing Haru to maneuver him into a somewhat comfortable position.

Makoto sits next to Haru, holding out a bottle of water for him.  
Haru holds out his hands and Makoto pours water onto them, while Haru rubs them together to clean them as much as possible.

Once he deems his hands sufficiently clean, he gives Makoto a nod.

“Rin, I will remove the gauze from your ear now. It might hurt a bit, but we’ll be as careful as possible. Haru will then clean your wound and we’ll see what we can do to handle the infection, okay?” Makoto explains, his hand hovering over Rin’s head.  
Rin bites his lip and nods hesitantly.  
“Don’t… throw the bandages away though… please. I know they’re filthy… but it’s all I have left from my mom,” he whispers.

Makoto squeezes Rin’s shoulder sympathetically, giving him a moment to brace himself.

Then he picks up a corner of the fine fabric and pulls it up. Slowly he unravels layer after layer of gauze, and the deeper he gets, the more blood and pus seep through the fabric until he finally uncovers Rin’s ear.

Rin bit down on his fist, screwing his eyes shut to hold back his tears. He hears a hiss from Makoto and tenses up more, terrified of what they found.  
He flinches when a cool hand brushes against his side and he opens one eye to look at it. Haru’s hand rests there, unmoving, but calming nonetheless.

“How long has it been?” Makoto asks, putting the filthy, stained bandages aside.  
“Days… weeks, maybe…” Rin chokes and clutches the hem of his shirt with his left hand.

Haru nudges his fingers, offering him his hand instead, and when Makoto brushes away Rin’s hair, Rin clutches Haru’s hand in his and sobs at the pain.

Makoto sighs deeply and looks at Haru.  
Rin’s ear doesn’t look good at all. It is swollen to roughly twice it’s width, and the wound itself is wet with exudate, pus and blood, seeping through the crust.

Haru shakes his head and makes a scraping motion with his free hand.

“I’ll get it for you,” Makoto offers and gets up.

Haru squeezes Rin’s hand once more, before letting go and reaching out for the fabric that Makoto just brought him.

Makoto sits right in front of Rin this time and holds out his hands to him.  
“Haru will clean your wound now. So… if you want to hold onto me…”

At first Rin wants to refuse, unwilling to show himself to be this weak in front of them, especially Haru, who went through something Rin couldn’t even imagine, but when Haru dips the first piece of cloth into the salt water and brings it close to Rin’s ear, he gives in and grabs Makoto’s hands.

Finally Haru presses the cloth to Rin’s inflamed ear… and the shock of pain that explodes from his wound makes Rin cry out immediately, not even trying to suppress the scream.  
Makoto’s hands hold him in place, squeezing his hands tightly, while Rin curls in on himself.

“Rin!?”

Nagisa’s head whips around as he looks for the source of the scream that woke him.

“Rin! What’s happening?!” he cries and crawls over to where Haru and Makoto are hunched over Rin’s writhing body.

Makoto throws a strict glance at Nagisa, making him stop dead in his tracks.  
“Rin’s ear has gotten infected. Haru is cleaning it. Don’t… freak out,” he explains calmly over Rin’s pained grunts.

Haru takes a clean strip of fabric and drenches it in the sea water.

He puts his free hand on Rin’s head, holding him down before pressing the cloth into the cut.

Rin immediately starts thrashing, only held in place by Makoto, who let go of Rin’s hands to straddle his legs instead and hold his shoulders down with both hands.

“But… you are hurting him!” Nagisa argues weakly, watching in horror as Haru wipes away the pus and blood from the festering wound.

“Not cleaning it out would hurt him more, Nagisa,” Makoto reminds solemnly.

That silences Nagisa.  
The young omega watches helplessly as his savior is writhing in pain, tears running down his flushed cheeks while he grits his teeth in a vain attempt at suppressing his cries.

Not sure what else to do he reaches out and grabs Rin’s hand, squeezing it gently when Rin sobs pathetically.

 

It feels like hours until Rin’s ear is finally clean from pus and blood, but things aren’t over yet.  
Nagisa has brought fresh salt water, which is now getting warmed by the fire, following Makoto’s instructions.

“I’ll help you soak your wound in the salt water, and Haru will try to… make an ointment or something,” Makoto explains as he helps Rin sit up again.  
Nagisa looks up with an astonished expression.  
“You understood what Haru was trying to tell you with that?” he asks, poorly imitating Haru’s gestures.

Makoto shrugs and smiles.  
“I’m guessing too, but after living with Haru for this long, I’m mostly getting it right”, he murmurs. Nagisa perks up even more at that.  
“How long?”

Makoto doesn’t reply this time, glancing at Haru instead, saying nothing.  
Haru returns Makoto’s look of longing and regret.

“Maybe a year?” Makoto finally sighs.

Rin bites his lip.

 

Finally the salt water is warmed up enough, and Makoto soaks a folded cloth with it, pressing it to Rin’s ear.  
“When it cools down, or dries up, dip it back into the bowl,” he says, waiting for Rin to nod. The redhead nods once, reaching up to hold the cloth in place with his own hand when Makoto pulls back.

Nagisa crawls over to Rin’s side, curling up next to him.  
“Rin,” he sighs.  
Rin glances down at the blond.  
“Yes?”  
“What happened to your ear?”

Rin smiles weakly.  
“My mom… cut the ID-tag out. I guess it got infected, even though she tried to disinfect it with alcohol,” he explains.

Nagisa’s eyes widen.  
“Oh! Do all alphas have one?” he wonders, throwing a glance back at Makoto.

Makoto turns around briefly, nodding once before turning back to Haru and their belongings. He pulls out a small jar and opens it, only to find it pretty much empty.

“I didn’t realize we used up so much,” Makoto murmurs, rummaging through the bag on the ground between Haru and himself, looking for maybe something else he could use.

Haru points to Makoto’s ear with his right hand and counts ‘one’ with his left, then points to himself and counts ‘two’ and ‘three’, before pointing at Nagisa, ‘four’.  
“You are right…” Makoto agrees. He sighs deeply, frowning at the almost empty jar.

He had hoped to use the last of their honey on Rin’s wound, but the pitiful amount left in the jar would never be enough.  
Searching his memory for any other useful piece of knowledge Makoto glances back at Rin, who is obediently soaking his wound in warm salt water, while Nagisa is mumbling something about pirates.

A small smile comes to his lips when he remembers the state Nagisa had been in when Rin first brought him here.

That reminds him… didn’t his parents keep the omega who gave birth to him around longer than most people?  
If he remembers correctly it was because of his bad health… because the omega’s milk was the best medicine they could give him.

Makoto gasps when he remembers his mother’s words.  
Even after the omega went back, they kept buying fresh omega-milk to strengthen him, when he was an infant.

“Haru…” he starts, getting his mate’s attention, “doesn’t omega-milk have antibiotic properties?”  
The omega’s eyes widen, but before he can even try to respond, Rin raises his hand.

“No need! Thanks. I’ll be fine!” he insists, shaking his head insistently.

Haru’s look of surprise turns into one of mild irritation.  
He nudges Makoto’s shoulder and slowly curls his fingers into a loose fist before pointing in Rin’s direction with his open hand.

Makoto chuckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... today is a special day, because y'all get an OMAKE today!
> 
> Basically, here's what happened: Maz and I had this convo... 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> And then... I made this:  
>   
> (No, this is not how it goes in the story, but I thought y'all deserve to laugh once in a while, so here you go^^)


	6. Haruka Nanase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TY yet again for beta-reading my nonsense, Maz!

Haru is looking smug, if a little flustered, as he fixes his collar.

Rin is looking thoroughly embarrassed, too exhausted to put on a strong front anymore. It doesn’t matter much, since he is laying down anyways, Nagisa curled up on top of his chest.

“Even my hair smells like… _you_ now,” Rin whispers, putting as much ire into his voice as possible at this low volume. He doesn’t want to wake Nagisa.

Makoto entered the cave just in time to overhear Rin’s comment, judging from his smirk.  
“I heard that it works even better than antibiotics. At least that’s how it was before The Starving,” he murmurs, walking up close to Rin and Nagisa.  
Only now, when Makoto kneels besides them, does Rin recognize the grayish clothes that Nagisa had worn earlier.  
“They are clean and dry now,” he says, holding up Nagisa’s top for emphasis.

Rin nods.  
“I see,” he mutters and glances down at Nagisa. “Do you want to wake him to put them on?”  
Makoto shakes his head.  
“Let him sleep. You should get some sleep too,” he says and drapes Nagisa’s clothes over the naked boy’s back like a blanket.

It’s the typical uniform that most omega wear.

Tribe-owned omegas are a different story, but even they often just keep wearing the clothes they had when they were bought.

Even Haruka seems to be wearing a typical tunic, missing the skirt though. To call it a skirt is overselling it, to be fair.  
It’s just an overlong loincloth. A long scarf that is placed between the omega’s legs and held up with clasps on either side of the hips, so the rest of the fabric hangs in front and behind the legs like a skirt.  
Owners often cut a slit into the crotch-part for easy access.

A glance at Nagisa’s skirt calms him a little as he can’t see a slit where it doesn’t belong.

But what happened to Haru’s skirt?

Many omegas take off their skirt when they’re pregnant, simply because it won’t stay up on their belly anymore, but they often tie it around the underside of their belly for support, so in theory… Haru should still have his skirt.

Rin’s eyes are too heavy to keep them open any longer, his thoughts about the omega’s skirt fading away.  
His ear doesn’t hurt as much as it did before… that’s good, even though he won’t ever admit it to Makoto or Haru.  
And he definitely won’t ever tell Haru how soothing his milk smells… 

Nagisa smells like it too. Like the ocean, fresh and salty, but sweet like milk.

When Gou was a baby she smelled like milk too…

 

Haru wakes early in the morning. The sun is still hiding mostly behind the horizon, shying away from the deep red sky.

There isn’t a single cloud, yet the sky isn’t clear. A mist of dust is covering it. Has been doing so even before The Starving took place.

‘One morning the sky was gone, gone, gone,  
and the deed was done, done, done.  
One morning the sky was red, red, red,  
and all who lived are dead, dead, dead,  
One morning the sky was blue, blue, blue,  
but you know it isn’t true, true, true.’

That’s a children’s rhyme. Haru has heard it a few times. Those few times when he came across children in the capitals, the few times that his owner allowed him to roam freely… even though the chain was still firmly attached to his neck at all times.

Automatically he raises his hand to his neck, then his mouth, just to make sure that the collar and gag were truly gone for good.

They are gone. Makoto tore them apart with his bare hands!

With the faintest hint of a smile Haru turns around to look at the glowing fireplace. The metal spine that once strengthened his collar… now they use it to poke the embers in the fire.  
It’s way too short, to be honest. His fingers are constantly raw and sore from the heat, but somebody has to cook. So he does it.  
And the metal spine works better than a dry wooden stick that would catch on fire immediately.

They are out of food.

They hadn’t anticipated the arrival of two more people before Haru went into labor. They had obviously been prepared for Haru to be unable to move a lot for a while. Haru himself had caught as much fish as he could, to make sure he and Makoto wouldn’t have to worry while he recovered from the birth.

But now none is left.

He sighs and pulls up the hem of his tunic, tugging it over his head. He doesn’t like being naked.  
It suggests… things he doesn’t want to think about.  
It reminds him of … the traces.  
Of the marks.  
The brand.

With a shiver of horror and pain Haru takes off and throws himself into the waves.

Relief… sweet relief… at last…

The water is cool and soothing, rushing against Haru’s body, caressing him like a long lost friend.  
For a few moments he simply goes with the current, enjoying the one feeling that kept him safe all this time… 

He knows he can’t indulge himself though. He needs to find and catch fish quickly, before he starts to leak again and attracts a shark with the smell of his blood… 

Makoto would have tried to stop him if he was awake when he left… silly man… 

Haru smiles when he imagines Makoto’s arguments. They would both know that Haru is right, but Makoto would still try to argue, as if his words alone could change the reality of their situation…

 

With well trained speed and agility Haru hunts down any fish he sees. Anything that’s edible. The need for air, the coldness of the waves, the tingle in his loins, the ache inside him… they force him to act faster, catch more, fight… survive… 

Live. 

For now, just live.

 

Haru comes up for air, gasping. He looks at the entrance of the cave, where he piled on a few fish already and adds the three he just caught.  
This would last the four of them for… two days at most.

So he dives again for more.

 

Makoto wakes up when he reaches for Haru and finds the spot next to him empty.  
Haru is gone.

He is on his feet immediately, looking around for any hint of his mate. He isn’t with Rin or Nagisa. He isn’t at the fireplace. He’s nowhere in the cave.

But his tunic is here… next to a pile of freshly caught fish.

Makoto sighs with relief and sinks to the ground, only to start worrying again.

Haru is still bleeding… 

 

So he sits by the pile of fish, waiting.  
He knows Haru can hold his breath longer than any other person he knows, so he starts counting to hundred.

When he’s at 76, Haru comes up with a splash.

Makoto smiles.  
All is good.  
Haru is here.

He reaches out and Haru places the fish he caught in Makoto’s hands.  
Two big ones.  
“Well done!” he praises eagerly, offering his free hand to pull Haru out of the water, even though Haru can get out by him self perfectly well.  
Haru shakes his head.  
He holds up four fingers and points into the cave.

“But… the longer you stay out there, the more likely… sharks…” Makoto starts, but Haru stops him, placing his pale, pruny finger on Makoto’s lips.  
“Fine,” he sighs. “I’ll warn you if I see anything.”  
Haru smiles and nods.

And so he walks back into the water.

 

When Haru finally decides it’s enough, Nagisa has woken up and gotten dressed. Haru smiles at him, but frowns at the skirt Nagisa is wearing.

It’s the same kind of skirt that he has had to wear all his life.

“Haru! Wow, did you catch all these fish?!” Nagisa asks, practically throwing himself at Haru, jumping up and down eagerly.

He recovered well. He is still way too thin, so light even Haru can lift him into his arms easily, but he’s lively and happy.

Haru nods.

“That’s so awesome! How did you do it? Where did you learn it? Oh, can you teach me? I want to learn how to swim, Haru, can you teach me?!”

“Nagisa, let him get dressed at least,” Makoto intervenes, placing his hand on Nagisa’s arm to pull him back gently.  
“Boo,” Nagisa pouts at him, crossing his arms as dramatically as possible.

Haru sighs and shakes his head fondly. He is so exhausted he could lie back down and sleep through the day, but he’s also giddy with happiness.

This kind of unashamed excitement, the energy radiating from the blond omega soothes him more than he ever thought it could.

Is this what it feels like to have a child?  
A real child.

A child of his own.

 

“Makoto,” Nagisa whispers, “what is that?”

Makoto follows Nagisa’s line of sight and sighs.  
“That’s Haru’s brand,” he breathes hoarsely, barely audible. “It’s the mark of his… owner.”

Nagisa bites his quivering lip to hold back whatever it is his mind wants to scream.  
Even he doesn’t know what he would have said… 

The truths, the past, the world of pain that is carved into Haru’s body screams at him, warning him of the fate that could have easily been his as well.

If it hadn’t been Rin who picked him up.

If Makoto and Haru weren’t kind people.

If … a tribe… 

 

Nagisa screws his eyes shut and clutches the hem of his tunic to keep himself in place. He is so stupidly terrified, if anything happened now, he wouldn’t be able to save himself.  
He can’t move… can’t run… 

A hand touches his shoulder and he almost screams.

Haru is kneeling in front of him, safe and sound. His blue eyes are like the ocean and the sky, like there is no horizon, like it all just flows together.  
It’s all Nagisa ever dreamed of in those lonely, cold nights… 

When Haru leads him back to his spot in the cave, he follows without a word.  
When Haru lies down and pulls Nagisa down onto his chest, he follows too.

And when Haru pulls down the collar of his tunic, he doesn’t hesitate, because this isn’t only for him.

It’s for Haru.

 

Haruka Nanase is the perfect image of submission.  
Haruka Nanase’s eyes are blue like water in a pool… tamed and still.  
Haruka Nanase has long, black hair that feels so nice to pull.  
Haruka Nanase doesn’t cry, doesn’t fight, doesn’t resist.  
Haruka Nanase is a doll.

Haruka Nanase is dead.

Haru is free.  
Haru is alive.  
Haru’s eyes long to see a blue sky that isn’t smeared with red clouds.  
Haru will fight; for Makoto, for Nagisa, even for Rin… and for himself.

Haru is a human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>    
> 
> 
> This is a sketch of Haru's brand.  
> Nanase is the name of his owner, and Haruka is the name his owner gave him. 


	7. Lingering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update: Maz saved my ass from embarrassing myself yet again. Ty. Fixed now!

Rin is sitting on a rock, his feet in the water, trying to scrub out the blood from his old bandages.  
He knows they will never be white again, yet he keeps trying to wash out the dark brown stains.

He needs to get moving, he needs to get to Gou at last, or else these bandages will truly be the very last thing that reminds him of his family.  
Mom… he purses his lips and blinks aggressively.  
He can’t cry now, for fuck’s sake!

Neither Haru nor Makoto have said much of anything to him, not that he blames them… Haru still struggles with postpartum issues, such as bleeding and pains, and Makoto is doing all he can to keep them all alive. Filtering water, scavenging the beach for anything useful, such as driftwood for the fire or edible plants.  
Some nights he didn’t return to the cave at all, coming back the next morning, empty handed. He was looking for honey, hoping to find a small bees nest somewhere further down the beach, but finding nothing.

Rin never says anything about that.

He doesn’t feel like it’s his place to say anything, so he doesn’t.

Haru never complains about Makoto’s absence, focusing instead on Nagisa, Rin and himself, as much as he can.  
He doesn’t produce much milk anymore either. What little milk there is, he either uses to smear onto Rin’s healing ear, or feeds it to Nagisa.

The pile of fish he caught a few days ago is almost gone by now. Only two remaining, but Haru is in no shape to swim out into the ocean again.

Nobody addresses it, but everyone knows it.

It is likely that Haru caught an infection.  
Either from Rin’s hands, that weren’t washed well enough, or from his own hands, whenever he tried to clean himself.  
Maybe his birth canal was damaged more than Rin thought, maybe his placenta didn’t detach properly, who the hell knows… 

Haru hasn’t had fevers yet, so his body still seems to be able to handle it, but they all know, it may just be a matter of time.

Nagisa pretends not to notice or care, acting cheerful and energetic around Haru at all times. Rin finds it exhausting, but whenever he turns around to snap at Nagisa to finally shut up, he believes he sees the faintest little smile on Haru’s face…  
Maybe that’s why Nagisa does what he does.  
Because he understands Haru better than Rin does; because he realizes that Haru doesn’t want to dwell on his pain… 

“So I put my arms forward and then?” Nagisa says, moving his arms to emphasize his words.  
Haru nods.  
“And then I take a breath and dive slightly under?” Nagisa continues, earning another nod. “And at the same time I kick my legs like this?” he flails his arms around with way too much energy.  
Haru’s gaze turns into a fond frown.  
He knows Nagisa is exaggerating his movements, to make them both laugh, yet it doesn’t feel right.  
The ocean is a dangerous playmate.  
Haru wants Nagisa to take it seriously.

He catches Nagisa’s hands and moves them to demonstrate the correct movement.  
“I know, Haru,” Nagisa smiles and stands up to demonstrate how well he memorized Haru’s instructions.

“And I promise I won’t go in alone, for the first time,” he adds with a grin, “I’ll ask Makoto to come with me, and then, before you know it, I’ll be just as amazing as you!”

Haru shakes his head and sighs. 

Rin has meanwhile given up on getting his bandages any cleaner, and wraps them around his wrist and forearm like a sleeve.  
He walks back into the cave, running a hand through his hair as his wet feet touch the sand, which immediately gets stuck to his skin.  
“Haru,” he mutters, looking back at the water, “Is it me or does the water reach further up than before?”

Haru raises his head and looks at Rin. For a while he just stares with a blank expression, and Rin worries that he might have finally succumbed to a fever.  
Finally, Haru nods and places a hand over his eyes, before gesturing the sky.

“What?” Rin raises an eyebrow and kneels, so Haru won’t have to hold up his head so much.  
Haru squints and repeats his previous gestures.  
“Bright… sun?” Rin tries.  
Haru nods, but makes a vague gesture with his hand.  
“So something with the sun?”  
Haru fans himself demonstratively and points at the sky again.  
“Hot?” Rin guesses. Haru nods and points at the ocean, before raising his hand slowly.

“Heat makes the ocean rise?” Rin guesses, and only when he meets Haru’s eyes with his ‘are you stupid’ expression, he realizes what he just said.  
“Ah, levels rise during summer, okay. Got it,” Rin says quickly, but Nagisa is already laughing.

“Oh god, Rin… you should have seen your face!” he chokes between bursts of laughter, holding his stomach.  
Rin flushes and pinches Nagisa’s ear playfully.  
“Hey, little snowflake, stop laughing or I’ll feed you to the sharks!” he threatens, smile in his voice betraying his words.  
Nagisa pulls away and runs around, crying out theatrically.  
“Oh nooo!”  
Rin runs after him and sweeps the small omega off his feet to carry him back to Haru’s side.

Haru smiles weakly and shakes his head fondly, when Nagisa curls up by his side again. The older omega puts his arm around Nagisa’s back, holding him close with no real force.  
Neither Nagisa nor Rin say anything about it.

Rin understands well enough that Haru will always side with Nagisa; an omega.

He understands that he’s a threat to Haru and Nagisa alike, that he’s only here because Makoto allows it, and that Makoto only allows it because Haru hasn’t said otherwise.  
He wonders if Haru would be this willing to have him around, if he hadn’t saved his life that night… 

The raven haired omega remains a mystery to Rin.

Makoto finally returns, just as the sun is about to set, carrying a few green leaves, like the ones they use as plates for the fish.  
“Haru, I’m back,” he calls out softly as he walks up to his mate.

Haru opens his eyes and reaches up to Makoto, when the alpha kneels down by his side.  
“How are you feeling?” he asks softly and cradles Haru in his arms, nuzzling his neck before pressing a few kisses to his jaw and cheek.

Haru nuzzles Makoto’s cheek before nibbling on his jaw ever so gently.  
“Haru?”  
Makoto pulls away to meet Haru’s eyes. It’s the same old blue, the same old glow beneath the surface.  
Promises, unspoken and unkept.

Haru raises his hands to start gesturing, never turning his eyes away from Makoto’s.

Makoto nods once before pulling Haru close again with one arm. He reaches down with his free hand to reach into the bag, groping around inside until he finds what he needs.

“There’s still time,” he assures, rising to his feet with Haru in his arms.

Nagisa who had fallen asleep next to Haru remains as he is, shifting slightly closer to the warmth Haru’s body left behind.

Makoto carries Haru out of the cave to the ocean, where he sits him on the rock that Rin had occupied earlier today.  
Haru settles as comfortably as possible, before he places his feet on Makoto’s shoulders as he did so many nights before and leans back on his elbows.  
Makoto unfolds the blue scarf he brought and dips it into the ocean water.

This is Haru’s skirt. What’s left of it, anyways.

Haru averts his eyes when Makoto wraps a corner of the fabric around his middle and index fingers, knowing what’s about to come.  
He doesn’t fight it.

He submits to the scraping pain and tells himself that Makoto will save him from it, that Makoto will make it alright.

“There’s less blood today,” Makoto murmurs as he pulls out his fingers, unwraps the scarf and rinses it out in the water.  
“Does it still hurt a lot?” Makoto strokes Haru’s leg with his free hand, not minding the lack of response from Haru.  
He understands that this is a reply too.

That Haru prefers to spare him the details.

“Haru… I can try to reach further, maybe that’ll help?” he offers, unsure what else to do.  
A translucent, yellowish-white fluid has been oozing from Haru’s opening lately. Initially it had been mixed with blood, but now that most of the blood has dried up, it’s color went from a dirty pink, to this off white.  
It’s not pus, he’s certain he’d smell that. It doesn’t smell like pus, but it doesn’t smell _right_ either.

Haru looks down at him uncertainly, but doesn’t refuse.  
So Makoto pushes up Haru’s legs from his shoulders, spreading them as far as possible and tells Haru to hold them up like that.

He then pushes his middle finger inside as far as possible, ignoring Haru’s pained wince, for the sake of getting it over with sooner.  
He feels clumps, chunks of something inside Haru and tries to scrape them out with his finger.

When he pulls his finger out he sees the blood-brown chunks, mixed in with more of that fluid, and some white chunks.  
It smells quite bad and so Makoto quickly cleans his hand in the ocean.  
But he feels like it’ll make a difference if he cleans out this… stuff.

Haru meanwhile holds his breath, screwing his eyes shut against the pain.

Makoto will make it better.  
Makoto will be with him.

Makoto will save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, this chapter was kinda lackluster.
> 
> I may not be able to upload the next chapter next week too. I'm currently struggling with some health issues.  
> Please be patient and have faith in this story!


	8. Teal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sobs* What would I do without you, Maz...

Even when it’s over, the pain doesn’t pass. Haru is laying with his back pressed into Makoto’s chest, the alpha’s arms wrapped around him as tightly as he dares, yet it doesn’t comfort him.

He still feels like a blunt rod is lodged inside him. The dull ache, the sore heat and constant trickle of fluid had been bearable.  
But now, the pain is stronger, more dry, more hot… pulsating, like a living thing within him.

He squeezes his eyes shut and bites his lip, pressing his tongue into the back of his teeth, holds his breath… 

The memories will not take him, and neither will the pain.

 

Makoto holds him close, not giving in to sleep, not allowing himself to shut his eyes, when Haru isn’t at peace.  
He can smell the discomfort in Haru’s sweat when he noses his nape.

Haru let out the softest whine deep in his throat, lips still pressed together.  
Makoto’s heart clenches, a small part of him imagining Haru’s moan to hold the slightest trace of an _M_. He wanted to imagine Haru saying his name one day. 

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Makoto whispered into Haru’s nape. He knew not to wait for an answer, yet he found himself asking anyways.

Haru’s fingers entwine with Makoto’s and slowly his breath evens out.

He isn’t asleep, but not awake either.

 

When the sun rises the next day, Haru doesn’t stir.  
His cheeks have a dark, reddish flush, and his eyebrows are pulled into a frail frown.

Rin doesn’t dare to crawl close to the unconscious omega. It isn’t his place to approach him; not with Makoto hovering by his side with the burning eyes of a cornered wolf.  
Unlike Rin, Nagisa slowly moves towards Haru, innocent smile missing from his face.

Both he and Rin though, couldn’t help but feel wrong about Haru’s apparently lifeless form.

Rin, because he had seen Haru survive before; or so he thought. He didn’t want to imagine his initial victory over agony and death to be lost after all.

Nagisa, because he had been fed by Haru. If Haru succumbed now, Nagisa feels like it would have been his fault; that it would have been him who’d taken away Haru’s strength and life force. Even though he clearly knows that isn’t true; that it isn’t his fault.

“Makoto,” Nagisa whispers, grabbing Haru’s cold, damp hand. Makoto glares at him, but doesn’t do anything to stop Nagisa.  
“We need to eat something, but there’s almost no fish left. And Haru needs to eat too,” Nagisa whispers cautiously.

“Haru taught me to swim, but I’m scared… I don’t think if I can dive for fish yet,” he continues, trying to get through to Makoto.  
For a long while Makoto said nothing, looking at Nagisa like a ghost.

 

When Nagisa was ready to give up, letting go of Haru’s hand, Makoto finally let out a deep breath.  
“You’d die,” he muttered so softly, Nagisa wasn’t sure he’d heard him.

“We’ll survive a day without food. We won’t survive without Haru,” 

 

Neither of the two dared to argue; though they weren’t certain if it was rationality or love talking.

They manage to fry the fish they had left. Makoto takes the fish and hands the scaly skin, which he cut off with a knife, to Rin and Nagisa.  
He lets them share it among themselves, and takes the rest himself.

He bites off a piece and chews it carefully, then presses his mouth to Haru’s, using his tongue to open the omega’s lips, transferring the chewed up fish to Haru.  
Makoto guiltily allowed himself to trace the hollow gums in Haru’s mouth with his tongue. He wanted to believe that he felt Haru wince, give a sign of life… 

 

It takes three days for Haru to recover enough to move around again.  
It is late noon. He moves slowly, exhaustion evident in every breath he takes, but he moves. He lets himself be supported by Rin and Makoto to get to the water, to wash himself.

They tell him what happened in the last few days, and without another word – or gesture – Haru strips out of his tunic and dives into the darkening waves.

Rin wants to call after him, but Makoto stops him.

“Trust him,” he murmurs, and again, Rin wonders if it was Makoto’s rationality or his love talking.

They hadn’t eaten anything except for leftover fish-skins, licked the leaves used to hold the fish, just to taste something. They were close to eating the burnt leaves as well.  
All three of them had felt increasingly desperate, wondering how to go on if Haru stopped breathing.

The same anxiety still holds them as they watch the surface of the ocean, trying to see Haru’s head pop up somewhere for a breath of air.

Nagisa had asked Makoto multiple times to let him try to dive for fish during the last few days, but Makoto never allowed it.

Now, as they watch Haru, Nagisa has to admit that he indeed would have died if he had tried to swim like that.  
He finds himself gripping Makoto’s forearm with both hands, both glad and terrified at the thought of swimming in the ocean.  
Glad, because it isn’t him who has to do it, and terrified, because what if Haru is still too weak, what if Haru doesn’t make it, what if… 

 

Haru’s head breaks the surface with a splash, and he rises to his feet, holding multiple fish in his arms, dropping them on the rock at the entrance of the cave.  
By now the ocean surrounds the rock entirely.

Rin bites his lip, thinking back to the last words he’d exchanged with Haru.

_Sea levels rise during summer_

He frowns, looking at Haru’s naked legs as the omega walks back into the cave, receiving his tunic from Makoto.  
Haru’s previously swollen belly is now flat and almost caving inwards a little, his legs seem too thin as well… 

Haru pays no mind to Rin’s gaze on him. He stands in front of Makoto and starts gesturing.

Rin isn’t the only one who picked up on the rising sea level. Haru knows that they need to leave the cave behind soon.  
In a few days, in fact.

If they stayed longer, they would risk being unable to leave. Since the cave is cut off from the beach itself, one needs to walk through the ocean to get to the beach. Once the water rises too far, the others wouldn’t be able to make it.

Haru knows he could swim to the beach on his own, but he wouldn’t leave them behind.

He wouldn't leave Makoto behind even if it’d cost his life.

 

He finds himself wondering though; how far would he go for Nagisa or Rin?

An omega such as himself, a child unlike him though… and an alpha, a man who saved his life with his own two hands…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry to give you only such a short and weak chapter. I am still in clinical treatment, so my time is limited, as is my strength... 
> 
> I hope you still enjoy it though, and thank you for reading and liking it!


	9. Life a life ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for checking my chapter - again - Maz!

They don’t leave until the water reaches their feet in their sleep.

Makoto wakes to the feeling of cool ocean foam lapping at his toes. He curls around Haru, pulling his feet away from the wet sand, but even as he closes his eyes again, he can’t go back to sleep. Haru opens his eyes as though he’d been awake all this time. Both know the time has come.

Their secluded little paradise will be flooded by the end of the month.

Yet neither of them moves.

Neither one of them wants to admit it, wants to give up this cave.

There may be no beds, no kitchen, no bathroom, no nothing… but even then, it had become their home.  
A home that’s seen life and death, that’s seen joy and pain…

 

Makoto rises to his feet when he hears Nagisa’s exaggerated yawn, followed by a thud, and a groan from Rin.  
“You are heavy and hot, Nagisa… get off me...” Rin murmurs, turning on his side, away from Nagisa.  
“… mmh… fwuffy…” Nagisa mumbles into Rin’s back and clings to him again.

Makoto sighs deeply.  
His heart aches.

“Wake up you two. It’s time,” he says and gently nudges Nagisa’s back with the tip of his foot.

Nagisa tries to swat at him, but Makoto avoids him and instead pokes his big toe against Nagisa’s exposed side, making the blond shoot up with a shriek.  
“THAT TICKLES!”

The shriek makes Rin sit up with a start while he blindly scans his surroundings for a threat.

“It’s time,” Makoto simply repeats, and without another word he walks to the back of the cave to collect what little possessions he and Haru have left.

 

All the while Haru doesn’t move at all.  
He knows he should get up and cook fish for breakfast, feed the others and help with the departure, but his feelings weigh him down like lead.  
He remains where he is, like a puppet with cut strings, staring into the sand.

He doesn’t see the sand.

He sees blood.

He hears cries, the murmur of merciful waves, the roaring silence of the night. He feels soft skin beneath his fingertips, a fading pulse, lingering heat… 

Once they leave this place, his memories will be washed away along with all evidence of their presence in this cave.  
Or so he hopes…

 

It feels like he’s cutting a part of himself off when he wades into the ocean for the last time. Since he’s the best swimmer, he’ll be accompanying the other three as they pass.

The water reaches so far that already that he has to carry Nagisa, just so the boy can keep his head above the surface.  
When he leads Makoto back he digs his nails into Makoto’s palm and grits his teeth.

Makoto is the last one to pass, carrying all their stuff on his back while Haru guides him… and this time, for the last time, Haru feels hands grab at his feet and ankles; drawing him back into the ocean.

 

Haru wishes he could find the words to express… anything right now.  
Be it hope for the future, be it regret over the past; be it hatred, pain, love, despair… be it anything.

But no words find him.

His voice remains unheard.

 

When did thoughts start to feel like slashes across his skin?  
When did he forget how to form words?  
When did he forget the sound of his own voice… 

 

Makoto guides them up a rocky path back to the desert. Rin’s jaw clenches when he gazes at the endless span of sand, sand and more sand.  
He looks at Nagisa just to make sure he’s up and well, remembering the warm weight of the boy on his back way too well.  
Nagisa had been so light, his body hard due to the lack of fat beneath his skin.

He is still very thin, but he’s alive. He is marveling at the sheer endless amount of sand before his eyes, golden dunes melting into the red sky above them.

It almost looks like flames.

All consuming, all encompassing flames… “Rin,” Nagisa whispers and blindly reaches for the alpha’s hand.  
“Rin… you… carried me … all this way?” he mutters gravely. There isn’t a hint of his usual cheerful demeanor left in him.

“I… yeah. I did,” Rin admits awkwardly, avoiding Nagisa’s magenta eyes. Maybe that’s why he saved him back then… 

Because his eyes reminded him of Gou. Because they both had that innocent spark in their eyes, untainted by the cruelty of this world… 

“Haru and I walked the same distance… Have faith, Nagisa,” Makoto says softly and starts walking ahead. Haru follows mutely, head lowered and both hands behind his back, like a slave.

Rin hesitates to follow them.

Nagisa does too, but he finally steels himself and runs up behind Haru, grabbing one of his hands and falls into a comfortable pace next to him.

He is terrified of the endless hellscape before them, but when he saw Haru walk behind Makoto like a slave he had to do something.  
So he holds onto his hand, smiling up shyly at the older omega.

Finally Rin follows them too.

He walks up besides Makoto and offers to carry something as well. Makoto lets Rin carry some of the water bottles they had filled before leaving.  
They have eight 1liter bottles, one 5 liter cannister and three half liter bottles.

Nobody points out that this amount won’t last until they reach the capital.  
Nobody points out that the sun will only grow hotter as the days pass.  
Nobody points out that they are doomed to die if they don’t make sacrifices.

Haru holds onto Nagisa’s hand, feeling comforted by it’s damp warmth.

 

Makoto takes measured breaths as he leads the group. He mustn’t give in to fear and desperation.

Despite his words he is probably the one who’s the most afraid.  
Haru and him had barely made it to the beach in time back then. They had about twelve liters of water to share among themselves, five liters for him and seven for Haru who had been eight months pregnant at the time.

 

There is no way they’ll all make it, he thinks. 

He’ll save Haru. He’ll save Haru if it’s the last thing he ever does. He’ll murder Rin and Nagisa himself if he has to.  
He’d do anything to keep Haru alive.

 

Makoto glances back at his mate, who briefly meets his gaze, only averting his eyes when Nagisa stumbles and falls.  
Makoto halts and watches Haru pull Nagisa to his feet again, brushing off the sand that stuck to his clothes with both hands while Nagisa apologizes sheepishly.

Rin shakes his head fondly and forces a smile.

No, Makoto thinks.  
There is no way he could, right?

All four of them will die.

 

The first night away from the beach, nobody sleeps.  
Makoto is punching the sand away from the others, sobbing quietly.

If only he could hold Haru, if only he could love him. Only once, if only he could.  
He punches the sand again and grits his teeth.

He could just push Haru down and have is way with him, he could… he could… 

There’s no way Haru would be able to fight him off. It’d be so easy…   
It’d almost look consensual, because Haru’s protests would be so weak, they wouldn’t even count… 

Makoto wonders if Haru would cry out if he fucked him tonight.

 

Haru is laying on his back with Nagisa curled up against him. Rin is fiddling with the stained bandages around his wrist, telling himself that he’ll see Gou again one day. Maybe he’ll give her the bandages to keep as a memory of their mother.  
Yes, he’ll do that, he thinks to himself. That’s good. He himself has a scarred ear to remind him of her, but what does Gou have of her?  
Nothing. 

She’s all alone, with people who hurt her… so he has to save her soon, and then he’ll bandage her heart with those bandages, that’s what he’ll do.

Never mind that those bandages will likely be stiff with tear-salt by the times he reaches her.

 

“Haru,” Nagisa whispers and tilts up his head to look at Haru’s face.

Haru’s eyes snap down to meet Nagisa’s, waiting for the blond to say anything, but he remains silent.  
Nagisa had of course noticed Makoto’s behavior.

It was hard to miss, to be honest.

He had intended to ask Haru about it, but changed his mind.

So he simply smiles up at Haru and nuzzles his chest, snuggling into Haru’s side comfortably. He’ll be a good boy, he’ll comfort Haru by whatever means there are.

Haru sighs softly and turns on his side, hugging Nagisa with one arm.

 

When Makoto finally joins them again, nobody says anything. Rin pointedly ignores the other alpha in favor of re-wrapping his bandages.

Haru doesn’t try to greet Makoto, keeping his arm around Nagisa and his eyes closed.  
His heart is beating out of his chest, and a scream is lodged inside his throat like a dry crumb of bread.  
Makoto slides his arm between Nagisa and Haru, pulling Haru against himself, allowing his crotch to press into the crease between Haru’s buttocks.

 

Nagisa bites his trembling bottom lip and screws his eyes shut.

 

When the sun rises the group moves on.

They have fourteen liters left.


	10. Cliff thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for beta-reading my chapter, Maz! <3

The sun hung as high in the sky as it ever could. The dust in the air painted the world in red hues while the small group walked on.

Everyone had a gulp of water in the morning, and now they walk.  
Anxious glances fall upon the bottles on Rin’s and Makoto’s backs, as though the precious liquid could get lost if they didn’t keep an eye on it.

Makoto walks ahead, his shadow protecting the omegas who are holding onto each other, while Rin covers their backs.

They don’t talk at all. Not even Nagisa manages to keep some form of conversation going, walking by Haru’s side mutely.  
Rin thinks they almost look like family.

The thought makes him ache even more, but he doesn’t make a sound.

 

Haru isn’t afraid of the desert.

He spent years upon years following the stars, following the song of the wind, following the dunes. He knew there would always be a way to force things to work out. Somehow he had survived all this time.  
Kept alive by the old man Nanase.

Haru isn’t afraid of the desert.  
He lets his gaze wander, caressing the soft curves of the horizon with his eyes. He feels a strange longing, wanting nothing more than to stand atop a dune and spread his arms to embrace the wind.

For a moment, he thinks then, he could feel free again, feel like a bird above the blood-smeared clouds.

 

Somewhere in the distance he sees a chunk of white in the sand, and without really wanting it, he finds himself drawn towards it.  
He lets go Nagisa’s hand and starts running towards the object, realizing what it is moments before his knees hit the sand.

Somewhere in the past he hears Makoto calling his name.

 

But all he sees now, right before his eyes, is the white skull in the sand.

He picks it up, sand floating down in an orange cloud of dust.

Even now, the metal bit is lodged in the gap between the chipped teeth. If they found the mandible and spine of this body, they’d likely see the collar still attached as well, leather fading to dust among the sand.

“An omega,” Makoto realizes, not daring to lay his hand on Haru’s back.

Haru nods once and caresses the protruding cheekbone, meeting the skull’s empty eye-sockets as though he still saw the omega’s irises, glowing with life.  
He reaches into the bag that he is carrying and pulls out the metal spine that once strengthened his collar. He uses it to dislodge the metal bit from the skull’s teeth.

 _You are free now,_ he thinks and smiles weakly.

 

“Come on, Haru,” Makoto murmurs softly, finally resting his hand between Haru’s shoulder blades, “We won’t make it to the capital if we lose too much time.”

Haru doesn’t react, cradling the skull in his hands, deep in thought.

“Haru, please!” Makoto tries again, trying to pull Haru to his feet, which finally earns him a reaction.  
Haru looks at him with a tired smile and shakes his head.

Rin is finally done observing and roars at Haru: “You can’t just sit down with that dead fucking skull and give up on everything else! You won’t be saving anyone if you just… idle here – Are you listening at all!?”

Haru rises to his feet while Rin shouts at him, still holding onto the skull and dusts himself off.

Without a word Haru hands the skull to Rin.

 

The old man Nanase had kept Haruka alive, but Nanase won’t save Haru anymore.  
Haruka had never tried to run away before, for that exact reason.  
He knew he’d be safe by Nanase’s side. In pain, but alive.

But Nanase isn’t around anymore.

Haru knows that Makoto will go to the same length, if not further, to keep him alive as Nanase did, but he has fewer goods to spare.  
Makoto has nothing to sell, Makoto has nothing to give other than his endless love and devotion.

But that won’t keep them alive.

 

He turns to face Makoto and starts gesturing. He rests his fist upon the palm of his hand and shakes his head, then reaches back to where they came from and makes a diving-gesture that evolves into an offering.

Makoto opens his mouth, ready to tell Haru no, but when he meets the omega’s eyes, his protest withers away.

Unlike him, Haru has lived and survived in the desert.

Unlike him, Haru will be able to keep them all alive.

Unlike him, who is a fucking failure…

An alpha so meek, nobody would ever rent him. An alpha so dimwitted, he can’t even keep his mate alive without help. An alpha who has yet to lay a hand on his mate. An alpha whose mate gave birth to another alpha’s baby.

 

Haru notices the shift in Makoto’s mood immediately.  
He doesn’t hesitate, pulling Makoto down to meet his lips in a dry kiss.

 

He chose Makoto, and he won’t let Makoto belittle himself – or Haru’s decision to become his forever.

 

Makoto’s hand slides up to Haru’s nape, caressing the bonding mark.

 

Rin holds on to the skull, not daring to look at its face. Whatever Haru had told Makoto, he understands that Haru’s word is Makoto’s law.  
He wonders if that’s what it’s like to have a mate.

Maybe that’s why bonding is forbidden, why both sinners are killed if they are caught; because it makes them into an inseparable unit, a pair that fears no pain nor death as long as they’re together, and even if they aren’t.

Before The Starving, his mom had told him, there were myths woven around alphas and omegas, around their bonds and their struggles.  
Rin remembers those tales fondly, because they always ended with unbroken love, even when the characters died.

Maybe that’s what Haru had told Makoto… 

Maybe that’s why Haru had picked up the skull… 

 

Nagisa tears Rin from his thoughts when he gently takes the skull from the alpha’s hands.  
The young omega gazes upon the skull’s face with the same longing and adoration as Haru.

“This could be Nanako for all I know…” he murmurs, caressing the skull as though he was running his hand through a girl’s long hair.  
“I won’t ever know for sure… because… because the last I saw of her was…” Nagisa’s voice is lost in a rush of tears, followed by a sputtering sob.

Rin doesn’t understand why he feels as guilty as he does when he wraps his arms around Nagisa, cradling the back of his head while the boy sobs into his chest.  
That mysterious guilt strangles him, and he wonders if that’s what Haru feels, every time he wants to say anything but doesn’t.  
So Rin _wants_ to say something too, but doesn’t.

“Don’t cry, Nagisa… look at yourself, look where you stand… she wouldn’t want to see you cry, now that you are as free as you can ever be,” Makoto murmurs, taking his eyes off Haru to throw a worried glance at the blond.

Nagisa sobs and shakes his head.  
“If… if I hadn’t… failed… she… she…” Rin holds the boy a little tighter, burying his face in his hair.

If he hadn’t saved this boy, he might be holding Gou instead… 

“Nagisa”, Makoto says softly, but commanding still.

Nagisa raises his head to turn around and look at the alpha. Haru raises his hand to grab Nagisa’s attention.  
He places his hand upon his stomach before forming a cradle with his arms.

Rin clenches his teeth.

Haru clutches at his chest above his heart while hiding his face in his other hand. His face is one of calculated sadness, carefully measured love.  
The hand that was fisting his tunic relaxes and lies flat over his chest now, while he points his other hand at Nagisa.

“If your child hadn’t died… Nagisa would have died instead,” Rin mutters bitterly and Haru nods.

“Your dear Nanako would weep for joy if she knew that you are alive and well, Nagisa,” Makoto adds and wraps his arm around Haru’s waist.  
“Haru will guide us along the coast until we find a place to settle down again and prepare to go back to the capital,” the green eyed alpha explains and holds Haru a little tighter.

“But...” Rin starts, taking an uncertain step towards the pair. “That takes us so much further away from the capital… who the fuck knows if we’ll ever make it anywhere if we turn away now,” he demands, raising both hands in his confusion.

“Haru won’t let us die, and I don’t have the heart to argue with him on that,” Makoto explains, his voice grave, his words final.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I'm still in clinical treatment, so I might not have the next chapter up in time - haven't written a word yet - but I'll still try to make it!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I hope you _enjoyed_ this chapter... If you did, please let me know by writing a comment or leave Kudos!


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